Just As I Am...

Once in a while in your life, people come around who hear you.  Really hear you.  Not just what you say.  But even more importantly, what you don't.  They can see behind your words and into your heart.  You know the kind, right?

This week, I've become better acquainted with a few of these people in my life.  These are friends I've met primarily through this blog, but they've been blessing my life greatly as we've developed a friendship.  And they pointed out some things to me that I truly needed to hear.  I'm grateful for the reminder.  Maybe you will be, too.  Here's what they had to say...

You really can't love anyone else any more than you love yourself.

And I haven't been loving myself all that much.

For nearly two years now, I've been more conscious of not being negative about the choices I made long ago that got me to the point of being 328 pounds with bone-on-bone arthritis in both knees.  I've told myself that I was a different person then, and until yesterday, I honestly believed that to be true.  Until this.

"Just because you want to change who you are does NOT NOT NOT mean that you can not LOVE yourself today.  The future Angie should love the TODAY Angie -- after all they are the same."

That's what someone told me.  And I can't dismiss it.  Not without thinking about it, mulling it over, and considering the truth behind that statement.

I've been so concerned with being on this journey to a "new" me, that along the way, I've forgotten that I need to love the me I WAS...and the me I currently AM...just as I am.  It's not enough to love who I will become, because that implies that I will somehow have earned or deserved the right to be loved.

And the more I ponder this idea, the more I am coming to believe that love isn't earned...or deserved.  At its highest and best, love is unmerited favor.  And loving myself can be no different.  I need to give myself grace in the here and now and stop thinking that the "new" me will be so much more lovable than the person I am now.  I AM lovable...I just haven't been very loving or kind to myself. I can easily see every flaw I've ever had, and while I may not beat myself up about them like I used to, I still think them...regret them...mentally dwell on them. 

That's what's got to change.  In short, I need to love myself right here, right now, just as I am.

Just the way that God loves me.

Because, friends, if I can't do that...then who else will?  And more importantly, if I don't love myself, then how can I love others?

I don't have any answers to these questions, but I think the struggle to find them will be worth it.

Stay tuned...I'll keep you updated.