Gut Check...

One day soon...!

Are you familiar with the term "gut check"?  I am...and I tend to have a lot of opportunities to engage in them!  For me, gut checking is taking stock of my life and character to make sure that the way I'm living matches the words I say, the things I claim to believe.  In other words am I walking the walk...or just talking the talk.  And this morning is a gut check moment for me.

I weigh myself every day.  We've talked about that in older blog posts.  I use the scale as a tool...not a source of torment.  I know it doesn't work for everyone, but it really does work for me.  I don't mind getting on the scale lately, because mostly, it's been going down.  But not this week.  It went up.

If you read regularly (or if you just go check out the past 5 or 6 posts!) you will know that I really couldn't workout much this week.  And by much, read hardly at all!  Two visits to the pool was the sum total of my working out, and no cardio.  The difficulties with my left knee really sidelined me big time, so I didn't really expect to have a weight loss.  I hoped that I would maintain my weight through controlling my diet.  But I didn't.  I gained 2 pounds this week. 

And so now I have an opportunity. Yes...an opportunity!  Gaining weight this week is not a problem in my life...it's a challenge to overcome! I have a chance to re-examine my week and figure out how to do it better. 

The reality of my life is this:  one day, I will not be obese and I will need to find a way to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle.  I didn't do that this week.  It would be so, so easy to just write this week off because of my knee and lack of exercise and chalk up the weight gain to that.  And in fact, I know that was definitely part of the reason.  But it wasn't the whole reason.

When I look back over the week, here's what I see that also contributed to that weight gain.  First, I didn't drink water often.  I did drink it, but I know that for me, I crave water when I'm working out.  I don't tend to drink much of it when I'm not.  But then I don't gain all the benefits of it.  I need to train myself to drink the water all the time...no matter if I'm working out or not. 

Next, I allowed myself to indulge in some of my favorite things too often.  I wrote yesterday about not denying yourself things you love...and I honestly believe that you shouldn't.  But I also mentioned limited quantities and not often.  This week, I ate things I love...that aren't necessarily healthy for me...and I did it more than once!  (Pizza twice in a week is a no-no for me...and I know it...but I did it!)

Finally, I know this week, I engaged in what I call 'emotional eating'.  I ate at times I wasn't hungry...so if I wasn't hungry, why did I eat?  To satisfy a different emotional need.  There were a lot of emotions swirling around inside me this week...frustration, inadequacies, rejection right up at the top of that list.  Burying those negative emotions is very easy to do with some mac and cheese!  Trust me!  I've lived this and know it to be true.  But it isn't healthy.  And it's not going to ever help me lose weight.  I didn't do it to the same extent that I have in the past, but I most definitely engaged in emotional eating...and this is something to be conquered on the journey to the New Angie.  My gut check this morning tells me that I'm not quite there yet.

So...how do I move forward?  First of all, I'm owning last week.  I'm not excusing it because of lack of exercise.  I'm not discounting the weight gain and hoping it will be different once I'm back in the gym.  I'm taking ownership of the choices I made last week. 

Notice I said ownership...not blame!  I will not beat myself up with this weight gain.  My self worth is not defined by that scale!!  It never has been.  I am completely loveable and worthy because Jesus says I am.  Period.  But I need to own the choices if I'm going to get to the next part of moving forward....and that is this:  I'm doing it differently this week. 

Moving forward really is that..moving FORWARD.  Today is a new day...the beginning of a new week.  And the reality is that I can leave this behind.  It was last week.  It's done.  It's over.  And I'm still on my journey.  I can tell you this, I will be drinking more water this week, I will not be indulging in my favorites more than I should, and I will only eat when I'm hungry, not to appease other emotions.  That was so last week!  Today is a new day!

I hope you engage in gut checks every now and again and use them as an opportunity to better yourself.  Life really is about being better every day...becoming more like Jesus requires it!