Transformation

Do you suppose that caterpillars know what's inside them?  Is it possible that at some point something deep within them connects with their inner butterfly?  Is that what propels them to spin the cocoon to begin the transformation?

The more I think about this journey, the more I wonder at what point this transformation is going to feel completely real to me.  I'm watching The Biggest Loser tonight as I write this post.  It's the make-over show and they're about to walk out on the red carpet as these new people, completely transformed on the exterior.  But as they speak, what is obvious is that this is no shallow, surface change.  They are profoundly different people.  At their core, they no longer see themselves as they once did.  They know who they are at a fundamental level, and they know who they will never be again.  One of the contestants said it best: "The butterfly is out of the cocoon!"

"It Just Takes Some Time...

...little girl you're in the middle of the ride.  Everything, everything will be just fine.  Everything, everything will be alright...alright!"

Jimmy Eat World lyrics

These lyrics are from one of my favorite songs.  You'd think I'd remember the lyrics a little more often than I do.  I mean, really...I play it in my workout mix 5 times a week.  Just how many times do I need to hear it until I start to really LISTEN to it?!?  Apparently one more time did it for me.  Because today, finally, I listened.

I've got this goal looming large over me that Angie put out there a few weeks ago.  I knew it would be a stretch and I knew when I took it on that I might not make it.  In fact, I'm still not too sure that I will make it.  I've got a lot of pounds to lose to reach the 100 pounds lost milestone and not many days left on the calendar before New Year's Eve.  But I'm much more OK with where I am right now than I was earlier this week.  You see, I figured it out.  I'm still in the middle of the ride.

This occurred to me as I finally was able to do 200 crunches again for the first time since this summer.  When I changed gyms, the different equipment made doing crunches a lot harder.  (It made everything a lot harder, really.  Perhaps the older equipment was just worn out and easier to use at my old gym, who knows?)  The ab crunch machines at the new gym have additional weight/tension added on them that the ones at the old gym didn't, so getting back up to my average of 200 crunches per workout has taken so much time.  And really, that lesson reminded me of this song.

It really does just take some time.  I'm still very much in the middle of this ride.

I'm doing the right things - working out, eating healthy.  I'm doing them consistently, and I'm making positive changes in my life and body because of it.  But I'm not done.  And I shouldn't be treating myself like I am.  It's going to take some time to be where I want to be.  It's OK to still be in the middle of this journey. 

Lately, I've let weight loss become my only measure of success on this ride, and so it's felt like I've been unsuccessful because I've been plateaued for a long, long time now.  But come on...200 crunches is significant!  Heck...it's HUGE compared to who I used to be!  And really, I have friends who are in shape, not obese like me, that can't do 200 crunches AT ALL, much less do that many 5 times a week...which is pretty much what I do in my workout routine.  I may not be where I'm going to be...but I'm no longer where I was.  I'm in the middle of the ride.  I'm making progress. 

Thanks, Jimmy Eat World, for such an amazing song to remind me that everything is gonna be alright.  It really, really is!

Thanks, Angie, for the challenge to keep me moving forward.  I may not hit it, but it won't be because I didn't give it everything I had.  And eventually, I WILL reach the milestone.

Thanks to all of you for encouraging me along the way.  This ride is an amazing one for sure!!!

Feeling Grateful...

Thanksgiving 2011

Dear Friends,

Happy Thanksgiving!  I'm feeling extraordinarily grateful today.  I am a ridiculously blessed woman!!  And it feels like a good time to name a few of the things I'm thankful for that involve my improvements in health in the past year.

First, I'm thankful for my new eating habits.  I am proud of how today went for me compared to the last time when many of my favorite foods all showed up on the same table.  I ate smart today.  I didn't eat emotionally or socially, or for any reason other than I was hungry and needed food.  And that feels amazing.  That green bean casserole in the picture up there is one of my very favorite side dishes EVER.  And I ate only an appropriate sized portion of it.  That's progress!

Next, I'm thankful for my new exercise habits.  It feels strange to me on days like today to NOT be at the gym.  I miss it!  And those of you know know me in real life can attest, that was not something I ever imagined happening in my life.  If you looked up the definition of sedentary in the dictionary, it could have shown my picture!  After a long day, I liked nothing more than coming home, putting up the footstool on the recliner, and chilling out to recover from the day.  Now, doing that feels strange. 

I'm also grateful for the decrease I'm currently experiencing in knee pain.  I know that losing weight is only really putting off the time when I will have to have these old, arthritic knees replaced.  But the fact is, I'm putting that day off!  That's huge!  This is so different from the path I was on only a year ago, and I'm thankful for every day further I can go with knees that don't function like they're supposed to.

Finally, and most importantly, I'm thankful for all of YOU!  Some of you I see in person and get to experience your love and support first hand.  Others of you I know but don't see often (or at all!) because our paths don't intersect often and this blog gives us a chance to stay current in each others' lives.  A few of you, I don't know anywhere but online...and even a few of you, I don't know at all.  But the fact that all of you are part of my community is what makes this journey such a meaningful adventure for me.  I'm certain that having you surround me, pray for me, encourage me, challenge me, and really hold me accountable for doing healthy, positive things in my life is what has made all the difference for me.

So...thank you.  Happy Thanksgiving!  Thank you for making such a HUGE difference in my life.
Angie
:-)