Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Insecure? Me?? Umm....
The Scene: Chatting with a friend...we mention a girl that we grew up with...one that we both knew, but haven't seen in a long time.
My friend: "Oh, I remember her...she was really, really cute!"
Now...what my friend said was completely accurate (she really was cute...and still is!)...and in NO WAY did the comment about our mutual friend have ANYTHING to do with me. But do you want to know what I heard??
"Oh, I remember her...she was really, really cute! So much more cute than you were..."
Insecure, much? You know the answer to that. There's no point in even stating the obvious.
My friend didn't say that. Wouldn't ever say that, because my friend loves and respects me...and never even thought this. Not once. I'm completely confident of this. But it doesn't change the fact that it immediately ran through my head during this conversation.
What really makes it even more disheartening that I would allow this kind of purely insecure, negative talk to permeate my brain is that I have several reasons this week to feel very confident. I'm taking on big responsibilities this school year and have begun work this week on a great note. I've also spent time chatting with some great friends, being encouraged by them about the positive changes I've made in my life...and hearing from them how these changes have impacted them positively, too. There are so many things going really well in my life right now that produce feelings of accomplishment and success.
So, where does that voice come from? The one that whispers lies to me...that tells me people look at me, judge me, and find me inadequate and lacking in comparison to others?
Well, as someone who believes that there are spiritual forces at work and at war in this world, I can tell you that the enemy of my soul is largely responsible for that whisper. But I can't lay this all on him. Because I bought into that lie long ago...hook, line, and sinker! The only reason he can use this weapon against me is because I allow it. That voice is one that I've chosen to listen to over the past 25+ years as I've struggled with self image and obesity. And that just begs the question...
If it was my choice to listen to those lies over the years and absorb them into my life, can't it also be my choice NOT to listen anymore?
Instinctively, I know the answer to that question. And I'm betting you do, too.
The other side of those Spiritual forces...the side I'm allied with and have staked my eternal future on...whispers the TRUTH to me. And I can choose to listen and believe. In fact, I'm invited to do so.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."
So, it's time to renew my mind...get rid of that old girl hiding deep inside of me and all of her insecurities. I know who I am...and WHOSE I am. And I like me. A lot. And you know what? The bottom line is that's all I really need.