Friday, July 13, 2012
I Want To Tell You Something...
Except, this thing I want to tell you is something important. So I'm gonna have to spill!
I had intentionally stopped posting my weight on the blog lately. Because it wasn't what I wanted it to be. It was moving the wrong direction. I let you in on that...but only in part.
What I didn't let you in on was exactly how far it went in that direction.
But in order to tell you what I want to tell you today, I've gotta come clean. So here goes...
You know that for the past 6 months or so, I've been dealing with a lot of personal stress in my job and in my family...and a pretty nasty arthritis flare up that significantly increased my daily level of pain and frustration. I also had an infection that required a medicine that caused me to gain weight, which I never really lost.
Between January and June, I gained 18 pounds. I went from having lost 108 pounds...to losing that 100 pound mark...to 238...only 90 pounds down from the 328 mark I hit when I began this journey.
I kept that from you for many reasons, but mostly because I didn't really want to own that weight gain. There were a lot of reasons why I gained weight, but the bottom line is, for the past 6 months, I lost my focus. I stopped focusing on myself and the journey I am on, and instead started focusing on my circumstances.
But here's the problem with that kind of thinking. When I focus on my circumstances, I'm completely powerless. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change what happens to me. My only choice is how I will to react to it. I don't get to filter what I'm going to experience in life and only choose the good things. I have to take what comes, good or bad, and deal with it.
On the other hand, when I focus on me...the goals I have for myself, the journey I've already walked, and what's yet to come, I have power to effect change. I am the one in charge of that. I can evaluate myself and my habits, keep what needs to be kept, change what needs to be changed. In short, I'm the one in control.
So now that I've come clean with you about this...let's get to what I really want to tell you!
In June, as I was processing this (and honestly, feeling really sorry for myself because I lost the 100 pound mark and couldn't bring myself to admit it to anyone), I decided that enough was enough. I brought myself back into focus, set some new goals, and decided to really work for them. No more focusing on circumstances, especially ones that I can't control. Time to get it right again. So I did.
And at the doctor's office yesterday, I got the results from my effort. I have officially lost 11 pounds in the past month. I GOT MY 100 POUND LOSS BACK!!! By a pound!
I'm 101 pounds less than I was when I started focusing on improving my overall health and wellness. And really, as great as it was on January 6th the first time I hit 100 pounds down, I honestly think this feels better. Hitting the 100 pound mark this time was a real testament to the fact that who I am at my core is a strong, committed, capable person who is taking charge of the things in her life that she can. It makes me feel good about moving forward and maintaining this new lifestyle I've created for myself.
Am I doing anything different now than I have all along on this journey? No, not really. The difference is all in my head. I've told you before...and have confirmed for myself through the first half of this year...life really, truly is almost entirely a mind game. Once you make up your mind you're going to do (or not do) something and change your focus off of the circumstances and onto your goals, the battle is over. You've already won it! My 11 pound weight loss this month proves that to me.
I've talked a lot in the last six months about finding my groove again. Well, I think I finally really have. And now it's time to keep rocking it. I've got 87 more pounds to lose and a whole lot of strength to gain emotionally and physically. This journey has been on hold for too long. Time to start controlling what I can and dealing with what I can't.
Thanks for taking the ride with me, friends...let's keep rolling! We've got places to go!