"You said you'd never leave or forsake me
When you said, this life is gonna shake me
And you said this world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know
When everything falls apart your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart you're the only hope for this heart When everything falls apart and my strength is gone I find you mighty and strong,
You keep holding on You keep holding on."
My knees are not really in a great place (although they are getting better with PT...thanks, Ang!).
My job was difficult during the past school year (although there were some lovely moments and successes and next year promises to be a little bit easier).
My role as a parent of 20 and 17 year olds has been challenging at times (although my sons are really good kids...it's more the age, I think.)
And right now my family is undergoing a change that I never wanted or anticipated happening...we're living apart from one another (although we are making the best of it and praying hard to determine the next step.)
So...when everything falls apart, what do you do?
Well, if you're me...you find the foundation at the bottom of it all. You find out what you're really made of...what's essential in your life...what isn't. And you refocus and start rebuilding.
That's what I've been doing for the first half of this year. Trying my best to figure out who I was, who I now am, and who I want to be going forward. That is a very introspective activity, but not only am I looking inside myself, I'm also looking up to God and my faith for guidance. I'm also looking outward to my friends for support and inspiration. Fortunately for me, that's so easy to find! I have extraordinary friends.
What have I learned from these 6 months? Here are some of the many lessons I've gained....
- When you have a solid foundation (faith, family, and friends) and things fall apart, they don't completely crumble. They can be rebuilt because the foundation stands strong. And that's what I'm doing. Rebuilding. Keeping relationships, activities, and habits that serve my purpose in life well, modifying those that need to be in order to be relevant, and removing some things that I've needed to address for a long while. (Things like negative self talk, low self esteem, and a distorted self image!)
- Rebuilding my life was not my first choice, but it has been an adventure that I've stayed positive about for the most part. It has given me a chance to refocus my life on what I think is vital and most important. Many people don't take that opportunity unless they are compelled to by circumstances, and I was the same. But when you assume nothing, question/assess everything, and then allow yourself the chance to make real changes to your life, that's a very liberating thing. You get to refocus your goals, prioritize differently, eliminate some goals that are unimportant, and hone in on the ones that will take you where you want to go as you rebuild your life. And that frees you to be who you want to be, who you think you're supposed to be...not stay stuck with who you were.
- Life is an adventure...and the ride...the process...is the important part, not necessarily the outcome. Being thoughtful about life is something that I had not done in a long time. I allowed myself to live on autopilot for far too long...to the point that I got unhealthy in every area of my life: spiritually, mentally, and physically unhealthy. But by changing my life...being intentional about what I do...and what I DON'T do...I am impacting my health greatly. No, I'm not what I would term "healthy" in any of those areas, yet. But again, I think the process is the more important part here...and I'm making headway. Lots of it!