Sunday, January 13, 2013
So, how does this play out in my life? Well...it shows up in two major areas in particular that I'm thinking over these days.
Eating Insanity - I enjoy carbs. No, that's unfair. I'm slightly addicted to them. The relationship I have with fries and pasta is intimate. We have this understanding between us - I eat them religiously, and they grab my thighs and just hang on for dear life! I'm sure a few of you know this love I have...because I'm sure that more than a few of you share it with me. (I've eaten out with some of you...I've seen it first hand!)
So, where's the insanity? It's in the knowing...and the repeating. I don't have to guess what the fries and pasta do to me...I've experienced it. Repeatedly. It won't be any different the next time I have some, either. But I keep coming back and hoping that this time the scale won't inch up on weigh-in morning if I have an order of hash browns from my favorite chicken restaurant the day before. Insanity. For sure!
Relationship Insanity - I am a person who craves being connected to others. I do have some casual, "hi, how are you?" type of friendships, but honestly, not too many. I prefer to "do" life with my friends. Deeply. Most of the time, far more deeply than my friends "do" life with me. And honestly, that's fine with me. But that's not always acceptable to my friends, and there are times I get burned. This week, that caused me a great deal of pain. I had a friend (notice the intentional past tense there...) who decided that I wasn't someone to be connected to any longer. This friend intentionally broke our connection, and broke my spirit and heart in the process.
Some of the reasons that were given for this split were just patently untrue and not worth wasting time evaluating. But one hit a little too close to home. I tried to monopolize this friend's time apparently. I didn't see it in myself, but looking closer, I know there are shards of truth hiding in there. Going overboard. Too deep. Too connected. I still do think this person misjudged me badly, but there's a piece of this that stings - and rings true. I need to not completely discount it, and instead think my way through it and grow from it.
These are just a few of the things I'm thinking tonight. I'm wondering how I'm going to deal with my tendency to be an addictive personality. Because that's really the bottom line here. I crave deeply and then seek things that I think will satisfy, either food or relationships, and yet in the end find that I'm still not where I want to be in the grand scheme of things.
Einstein's definition at play in my life.
Repeating the same pattern of behavior time and time again, and hoping that this time it will produce a different result. It won't. And I know this...but what to do about it? That's a completely different story.
Stay tuned friends...this is a big thing to conquer. But I'm committed....and I WILL find a healthy way to deal with my eating and relationships that will produce the end results I want...a physically and emotionally healthy lifestyle!
Stay on the ride with me...we have a long way yet to travel together!