Thursday, August 18, 2011
Inside of Me...
I'm betting you've heard that joke before. I know I have. And I've laughed. I Googled it tonight to see who it's attributed to and give credit where it's due, but no one seems to claim it. (There are also some raunchier forms of the joke, as well as different foods substituted on the end...but that's really not the point here!)
The point is this. I realized tonight that I used to live that way. Maybe not intentionally. But I sure did. I was struggling earlier tonight. I didn't want to go to the gym. There were some bad storms rolling through here. My tummy hasn't been feeling too good. And this silly cold that I caught sometime yesterday has me hacking up a lung about every 30 minutes or so. All excuses, I know. And I ALMOST let them keep me home. I almost didn't listen to the thin girl inside of me who was screaming, "Get your butt to the gym, Angie!"
The absurdity of what I was doing hit me on the drive home from dinner. I was talking to my husband and telling him that I thought I'd just walk on our treadmill in the basement instead of going back out in the bad weather, especially since I didn't really feel all that well anyway. When I said those words aloud to him, though, I just knew that they weren't right. Deep inside me, I knew. I could say all I want that I was going to get on the treadmill in the basement. The fact of the matter is, I know I wouldn't have. It's been down there for YEARS and I seldom do. I would have made another excuse for not getting on it tonight if I had chosen to stay home. I know I would have...there's no sense in even trying to deny it!
So instead of allowing myself to talk myself out of going to the gym, I talked myself right back into it...out loud! I totally changed the conversation we were having. (My husband just shakes his head at me sometimes when I do things like this!) I reminded myself that I don't have the luxury of skipping gym nights. Not yet. I'm only half way to where I want to be and now is not the time to start rationalizing why I'm not going to work out. Now is the time to go to the gym and work my tail off!
And then, I did it! When I got in the front door, I went straight upstairs and changed my clothes into my workout clothes. Then I got myself back in my car and headed straight for the gym!
The Old Angie would have let the thin girl inside her be quieted, be it with food or with television or with reading or with time on the computer...any of several diversions would have worked for her! This new me has absolutely NO intention of ever letting herself be placated by chocolate again. It's just not gonna happen!