Tuesday, July 26, 2011

You Can't Run When You're Holding Suitcases...

I love this Dara Maclean song, but today it's becoming even more meaningful to me as I take on a task that is LONG overdue.  What, you might ask, am I doing today?

Conquering my fear!

Let me explain.  A few weeks ago, I wrote a post called Paying It Forward about the blessing I received when someone gave me bags and bags of smaller size clothing that I needed, because she herself is in the process of weight loss and had shrunk out of her old clothes.  I was challenged by that to do likewise and find someone who can use the bags of clothes I have that no longer fit me.  Well, I've found someone.  Or, honestly, a friend of mine did and pointed her out to me.  I am very excited to be able to bless this woman as I was blessed by my friend.  That's not what the fear is.

The fear is this...if I give away ALL of my "big girl" clothes, what happens if I need them again?

Unhealthy fear?  Yes. Most are.  Irrational fear?  No, not really.

I mean, let's face it.  I've been down this weight loss road a time or two...or ten...or twenty!!!  My weight loss history can favorably be compared with the most exhilarating roller coasters in the world with all the ups and downs I've had!  I've lost weight before (granted, not this much!) and turned around to put it all back on...and then some!  What happens to me if I give away all of these clothes that quite literally fall off my body right now, and then one day I need them again?  I mean, shouldn't I keep some of them...just in case?

I committed to doing this, I know it's the right thing to do, and am in fact taking a break right now from packing the bags to write this post.  I will give them away...all of them...but that really doesn't alleviate my fear.

Dara's song is doing that for me!

Listen to the first part of the chorus...
"You can't run when you're holding suitcases
It's a new day, throw away your mistakes
And open up your heart
Let down your guard
You don't have to be afraid..."

It's a NEW DAY in my life...and I'm clinging to my "big girl" clothes, trying to keep myself mired in my past mistakes.  It's time to get rid of my suitcases!  They're holding me back from completely believing that the days of my obesity are ending...once and for all!  Time to let down my guard...and open up my heart to the very real truth here... 

I am no longer the same Angie I was! 

Not only am I looking different on the outside these days, I'm MUCH STRONGER on the inside than I used to be...and I WILL NOT EVER need these clothes again.  Believing that I might...preparing for the possibility by holding on to even a few of them...is a lack of faith and trust in what God is doing in my life...and it's holding me back.  No more!  That's a decidedly "Old Angie" response...and that girl is SO GONE!!!  No need for me to keep hold of her fears and failures.

So, I need to go now...Dara's still singing, and I've got some packing left to do!  It's gonna be great to feel the freedom of letting this fear go.  And I'll look really SWEET in my new, smaller clothes while doing it!  (Thanks, Amy!)  :-)

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